PreMDpilot

I had one of the most painful experiences of my life today. I thought I was interested in psychiatry before I went and followed an older medical student around today. The first patient we went to was ok. He was a little "snowed" but could answer questions and generally seemed optomistic about the prospects for his future and that he would get out. He had some moderate dementia but was still pleasant to work with. The second patient was half awake and answering our questions with single word answers like "yes, no and mmmm" The last guy was really the icing on the cake. He had all kinds of medical problems and it was clear that he didn't know what was going on with him, but the main thing was just how freakishly slow he was. He was eating lunch when we walked in and my med student asked him a preliminary question. It literally took him 15 seconds to respond to the question. And when he did, it was with some kind of non-sensical, mono-syllabic whisper. Now, you may be thinking "15 seconds, that's not bad." So the next time you have a conversation with your significant other, I want you to count to 15 before you answer any question that they put to you. I guarantee they'll dump your ass or file divorce the next day. It took us 20 minutes just to get out of him that he didn't feel like killing himself. Add to that fact that it was sweltering inside the room and I was sweating through my white coat and it pretty much made for the worst experience ever.

I understand he's depressed and that it's a very sad case and I wish we could help him, but he was like a black hole sucking my energy, patience, and empathy. I think I empathized too well. I was genuinely depressed after the encounter. I couldn't interact with my friends normally. I had to eat a relatively large meal and then go take a two hour nap before I even felt a semblance of normal. It was actually kind of scary that my emotions could be affected so easily. I can see why doctors now say you need to be able to distance yourself from experiences like that. We want to pull them out of the black hole, but have to be careful that we don't get sucked in ourselves.